Current Location: Washington, DC
Arrival Date: January 08, 2011
Departure Date: Undetermined
I have set myself against doing any more schoolwork tonight so I may as well write. The topic of this email is something that makes me unhappy and so I will start by talking about the things I most like about my life.
It has occurred to me that life is wonderful by default. That is, if I just lay quietly somewhere with your eyes closed and endeavor to think about nothing in particular, or about some simple thing, like the color white for example, that sensation is marvelous. Since traveling, I have developed a profound appreciation for just sitting in my temperature controlled room, or any temperature controlled and mosquito-free area really. It is truly incredible to sit somewhere for as long as you care to without being too hot or too cold or constantly bitten by small animals. I really love it. When nothing else is going particularly well, I bask in how happy it makes me. I even giggle to myself when I go to sleep at night when I remember how outrageously lucky it is that there are institutions out there willing to loan me enough money that I can afford to live and go to school in such comfort.
On top of that, there are probably far too many good things to mention. I have very good parents. Much better parents I think than most people have. Then again, I don’t know most people’s parents. But I suspect that not all of them are as good. Mine care about me a lot and they never fail to show it. It is very lucky. I also have an amazing best friend. He has good parents too. I miss them.
The last many days have been difficult. I am upset with my hematologist. My anger is magnified by a bunch of steroids that she had me taking in promise that it would bring my platelets high enough to undergo a procedure to stop my over-abundant bleeding. Five days into the steroids, when my platelets were high enough to perform the procedure, she refused to write a note of approval, stating that it was perfectly okay with her that the procedure be performed but that it was up to the other doctor to decide whether to perform it despite the fact that my counts, though five times as high as normal for me are still less than a quarter as high as normal for someone else. The other doctor, not knowing anything about ITP, hematology, or my specific situation, demanded affirmative approval from my hematologist. I had spent over 20 hours and a lot of emotional energy making and preparing for the necessary appointments, five in total, and the disappointment of being denied care was devastating.
The worst part of the whole experience by far though is the withdrawal. The steroids themselves make me feel awful; they fill me with the sensation of anger and make me prone to outbursts of emotional irrationality and unkindness. They caused me incredible problems my 1L year and I have nothing but sincere hatred for them. Steroids are also one of a few truly physically addictive substances and the process of weaning off of them is incredibly painful. The symptoms are like that of a flu or cold—chills, body aches, congestion, headaches—combined with random outbursts of hellish emotion that leave me shaking and gasping for breath. I have to take sleeping pills to make it go away at night and even then, I do not sleep well. Today is the 10th day since I started them. It feels like it has been forever. I keep hoping that today is the last day of withdrawal. Maybe tomorrow.
Love,
Melissa
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Random Law School Update 30
Last Location: Denver-Boulder-Steamboat-Pagosa Springs, Colorado; Tampa, Florida; Tucson, Arizona
Arrival Date: December 17, 2011
Departure Date: January 08, 2011
Current Location: Washington, DC
Arrival Date: January 08, 2011
Departure Date: Undetermined
This week has been hard medically. I have been inflicted with severe anemia due to an excessive loss of blood. I feel emotional and fatigued, I get winded going up a single flight of stairs, I gasp for air in spin class, and my vision goes black when I stand up too quickly. Not to mention the unsettling amount of bleeding – gentlemen, you don't want to know. My doctors get mad at me, but they don't really have any solutions. They just tell me to find a new hematologist, which is harder than it sounds. Online physician listings offer little more than name and location and I don't come from a family of doctors who would know what to look for in a good physician. And then there is the issue of health insurance, and of travel. I am limited because I don't have a car, or much free time.
One of my general practitioners finally got fed up with it on Thursday and trapped me in the Student Health Office. She called a security guard and made me take an escort to the hospital (I had refused an ambulance for fear that my insurance wouldn't fully cover it). Then I had to wait in the Emergency Room for a bunch of nurses and doctors come in to ask me the same questions over and over again and to take the same panel of blood tests that my doctor got mad at me for ordering just a few days prior – I had come to try to keep the blood in, not to have more taken out! The nurse came in to insert my IV; I turned to look just in time to see dark blood splatter across my arm. And I panicked, for the first time in over a year. The entire wing of the hospital erupted in commotion, the women next to me nearly falling out if her bed to see what is happening. I was mortified. I left several hours later just as lightheaded and groggy as I came in, with even less blood in me, and without any treatment to stop the bleeding. I stopped by the Whole Foods on my way home and picked up an herb know to regulate menstrual cycles. The next morning, for the first time in 12 days, the bleeding was visibly lighter.
Sometimes I get scared. Not the kind of scared-of-death scared that people write about in troubled poetry or confess in their deepest moments of despair. I think that I am pretty secure with my mortality. My scared is more like the type you might get when it occurs to you that there is a chance – however small – that you will fail this next exam, despite your best efforts and despite the fact that you have never failed before. That, mixed with the queasy-sick feeling you get after watching a slasher film where every item of scenery manages to find itself covered in the blood of hapless stock characters.
My biggest fear though, during the hardest weeks, is that I will overburden my closest friends. It happened once, my 1L year, and I have never ceased to regret it. Now, when I am at my most scared, I shut myself in my room alone and lay in bed shaking, until I realize that even at my worst, I am okay. Perhaps I should be embarrassed to write this, but it has occurred to me, at least I think, that most of us have moments like this – even those for whom nothing ever seems to go wrong.
Having a medical condition and being a law student is hard. I tell myself that it is better than, say, had I been a professional mountain-biker or base-jumping instructor – something that I might have to quit outright. This is hard in much more subtle ways. Looking for a job is hard because I am not sure what to tell employers about why I am not graduating with my peers, or why I have decided, after much deliberation, to take a reduced course-load to make time for medical appointments and alternative therapies. It is hard to explain to my peers why I don't go out that often, or why I drink so little when I do. It is hard telling people that I went to Colorado with my parents and didn't ski. It is hard explaining to doctors that, yes, I care about my health, but that I can't submit to treatments that risk making it difficult or impossible to study for weeks on end. And it is hard to admit to myself that my body probably needs more rest than I am willing to give it.
Things are looking up this week. I always hate to end on an awkward, "no I am not better yet" note. You always want to tell these stories in the past tense, like "all of these awful things happened and then after, everything was okay!" Those are the best stories, in part, because you are still around to tell them, but also because they go to show that bad things, by and large, tend to get better and leave our lives richer and more colorful than they were when we began. I have committed to telling my story from the middle though, and with that comes the possibility that things won't end particularly well. Of course that is the brilliance of it all, the suspense. And having an opportunity to care, because you know at any given moment you may be empowered to affect the outcome. One thing I have always hated about reading amazing stories about interesting people who have long since come and gone (or in the case of fiction, never been) is the feeling that I am forever denied an opportunity to be a part of their story. But then I remember that there are interesting people all around me who are right now in the middle of their stories. And I do my best to be a part of them. You all are part of mine now.
Love,
Melissa
Arrival Date: December 17, 2011
Departure Date: January 08, 2011
Current Location: Washington, DC
Arrival Date: January 08, 2011
Departure Date: Undetermined
This week has been hard medically. I have been inflicted with severe anemia due to an excessive loss of blood. I feel emotional and fatigued, I get winded going up a single flight of stairs, I gasp for air in spin class, and my vision goes black when I stand up too quickly. Not to mention the unsettling amount of bleeding – gentlemen, you don't want to know. My doctors get mad at me, but they don't really have any solutions. They just tell me to find a new hematologist, which is harder than it sounds. Online physician listings offer little more than name and location and I don't come from a family of doctors who would know what to look for in a good physician. And then there is the issue of health insurance, and of travel. I am limited because I don't have a car, or much free time.
One of my general practitioners finally got fed up with it on Thursday and trapped me in the Student Health Office. She called a security guard and made me take an escort to the hospital (I had refused an ambulance for fear that my insurance wouldn't fully cover it). Then I had to wait in the Emergency Room for a bunch of nurses and doctors come in to ask me the same questions over and over again and to take the same panel of blood tests that my doctor got mad at me for ordering just a few days prior – I had come to try to keep the blood in, not to have more taken out! The nurse came in to insert my IV; I turned to look just in time to see dark blood splatter across my arm. And I panicked, for the first time in over a year. The entire wing of the hospital erupted in commotion, the women next to me nearly falling out if her bed to see what is happening. I was mortified. I left several hours later just as lightheaded and groggy as I came in, with even less blood in me, and without any treatment to stop the bleeding. I stopped by the Whole Foods on my way home and picked up an herb know to regulate menstrual cycles. The next morning, for the first time in 12 days, the bleeding was visibly lighter.
Sometimes I get scared. Not the kind of scared-of-death scared that people write about in troubled poetry or confess in their deepest moments of despair. I think that I am pretty secure with my mortality. My scared is more like the type you might get when it occurs to you that there is a chance – however small – that you will fail this next exam, despite your best efforts and despite the fact that you have never failed before. That, mixed with the queasy-sick feeling you get after watching a slasher film where every item of scenery manages to find itself covered in the blood of hapless stock characters.
My biggest fear though, during the hardest weeks, is that I will overburden my closest friends. It happened once, my 1L year, and I have never ceased to regret it. Now, when I am at my most scared, I shut myself in my room alone and lay in bed shaking, until I realize that even at my worst, I am okay. Perhaps I should be embarrassed to write this, but it has occurred to me, at least I think, that most of us have moments like this – even those for whom nothing ever seems to go wrong.
Having a medical condition and being a law student is hard. I tell myself that it is better than, say, had I been a professional mountain-biker or base-jumping instructor – something that I might have to quit outright. This is hard in much more subtle ways. Looking for a job is hard because I am not sure what to tell employers about why I am not graduating with my peers, or why I have decided, after much deliberation, to take a reduced course-load to make time for medical appointments and alternative therapies. It is hard to explain to my peers why I don't go out that often, or why I drink so little when I do. It is hard telling people that I went to Colorado with my parents and didn't ski. It is hard explaining to doctors that, yes, I care about my health, but that I can't submit to treatments that risk making it difficult or impossible to study for weeks on end. And it is hard to admit to myself that my body probably needs more rest than I am willing to give it.
Things are looking up this week. I always hate to end on an awkward, "no I am not better yet" note. You always want to tell these stories in the past tense, like "all of these awful things happened and then after, everything was okay!" Those are the best stories, in part, because you are still around to tell them, but also because they go to show that bad things, by and large, tend to get better and leave our lives richer and more colorful than they were when we began. I have committed to telling my story from the middle though, and with that comes the possibility that things won't end particularly well. Of course that is the brilliance of it all, the suspense. And having an opportunity to care, because you know at any given moment you may be empowered to affect the outcome. One thing I have always hated about reading amazing stories about interesting people who have long since come and gone (or in the case of fiction, never been) is the feeling that I am forever denied an opportunity to be a part of their story. But then I remember that there are interesting people all around me who are right now in the middle of their stories. And I do my best to be a part of them. You all are part of mine now.
Love,
Melissa
Monday, December 12, 2011
Random Law School Update 29
Current Location: Finals
Next Location: Winter Break
I was trying to learn how to surf once. My friends rented a surfboard from a shop at a remote beach outside of Kenting in the south of Taiwan. We took turns going out with it. See Random Travel Update 5, and surfboard pictures.
The beaches south of Kenting are known by professionals as being remote spots for catching some serious waves. I went out unencumbered by any direction or advice on how to properly manage a surfboard. And without a rash guard, no less. Luckily, it was truly quite remote.
I put the very large board beneath me and swam, and swam, and swam until I was about as far out as the small handful of experienced surfers in the area. Surprisingly far out. And then I would wait, facing shore, laying with my belly on my board. Eventually a wave would come. And I would swim, and swim, and swim and swim. Paddling my legs and arms furiously to keep up with the increasingly monstrous wave. But my efforts would amount to running in place and I would come to notice that the wave was now on top of me rather than beneath me. At which point I would take a split second to think “hmm” and to suck in a deep breath of air before an incredible force took me tumbling down under the water and I found myself suddenly moving quite quickly towards the shore, my board strapped to my leg, smashing into me over and over again. And then rocks. Sharp pointed sea objects all of which had presumably gone through this process before me. Washed up where the ocean meets the shore. And for a moment, I would be happy to just to feel something beneath me, to know that I wasn’t going to be pushed down into a bottomless ocean forever. But then, the force of the ocean would pull me back, and I would tumble again over and over and over again, for what could have been an eternity. Even now, I still remember it as if it had been an eternity.
I would spend the time in reflection. I would imagine that I was any other rock or shell or sea creature who did this every day. I would relax my body and give in to the ocean. It had convinced me that it was greater than me, and I thought it silly to spend much effort disagreeing. I would hold my breath until it was all over. I would think very clearly during this time. I would think about returning to the shore someday, and what it would be like to stand on land again. I would think about how I might get there. And devise strategies. I would keep my arms up in front of my face, to prevent my nose from breaking when my board smashed back into it. It was very painful being tossed onto shore, so after awhile I actually started to point myself away from shore and swam into the wave. I tried to stay under the water as much as possible, in order to prevent new waves from breaking over me. Eventually I found air. And then there I was, just swimming in the ocean again. Close to shore. My friends smiled and waved. I adjusted my top, regained control of my board and paddled slowly into shore. “That was fun,” I said when I got back. I proceeded to repeat the experience several times.
This is what law school is like.
Love,
Melissa
Next Location: Winter Break
I was trying to learn how to surf once. My friends rented a surfboard from a shop at a remote beach outside of Kenting in the south of Taiwan. We took turns going out with it. See Random Travel Update 5, and surfboard pictures.
The beaches south of Kenting are known by professionals as being remote spots for catching some serious waves. I went out unencumbered by any direction or advice on how to properly manage a surfboard. And without a rash guard, no less. Luckily, it was truly quite remote.
I put the very large board beneath me and swam, and swam, and swam until I was about as far out as the small handful of experienced surfers in the area. Surprisingly far out. And then I would wait, facing shore, laying with my belly on my board. Eventually a wave would come. And I would swim, and swim, and swim and swim. Paddling my legs and arms furiously to keep up with the increasingly monstrous wave. But my efforts would amount to running in place and I would come to notice that the wave was now on top of me rather than beneath me. At which point I would take a split second to think “hmm” and to suck in a deep breath of air before an incredible force took me tumbling down under the water and I found myself suddenly moving quite quickly towards the shore, my board strapped to my leg, smashing into me over and over again. And then rocks. Sharp pointed sea objects all of which had presumably gone through this process before me. Washed up where the ocean meets the shore. And for a moment, I would be happy to just to feel something beneath me, to know that I wasn’t going to be pushed down into a bottomless ocean forever. But then, the force of the ocean would pull me back, and I would tumble again over and over and over again, for what could have been an eternity. Even now, I still remember it as if it had been an eternity.
I would spend the time in reflection. I would imagine that I was any other rock or shell or sea creature who did this every day. I would relax my body and give in to the ocean. It had convinced me that it was greater than me, and I thought it silly to spend much effort disagreeing. I would hold my breath until it was all over. I would think very clearly during this time. I would think about returning to the shore someday, and what it would be like to stand on land again. I would think about how I might get there. And devise strategies. I would keep my arms up in front of my face, to prevent my nose from breaking when my board smashed back into it. It was very painful being tossed onto shore, so after awhile I actually started to point myself away from shore and swam into the wave. I tried to stay under the water as much as possible, in order to prevent new waves from breaking over me. Eventually I found air. And then there I was, just swimming in the ocean again. Close to shore. My friends smiled and waved. I adjusted my top, regained control of my board and paddled slowly into shore. “That was fun,” I said when I got back. I proceeded to repeat the experience several times.
This is what law school is like.
Love,
Melissa
Monday, November 14, 2011
Random Law School Update 28
Last Location: New York City, NY
Arrival Date: October 8, 2011
Departure Date: October 11, 2011
Current Location: Washington, DC
Something good happened recently in law school. I won an International Arbitration Competition. I am ridiculously excited. The story ran on the front page of the Georgetown Law Weekly. So I get to be mildly famous on campus for awhile. And I get to feel like a winner for once, a very rare feeling in law school.
In other law school news, I am in the process of looking for an internship or summer associate position for the summer. My career center is always imploring us to reach out to our social network for these things. If you know any hiring partners at law firms ideally in either New York City or San Francisco, put me in touch. I am also interested in government positions related to contracts and commercial dispute resolution.
I noticed that this is update twenty-eight (28). Twenty-eight is my mom's favorite number because it is the date on which my birthday, her birthday, and my parents' anniversary falls. I am fond of it as well.
Love,
Melissa
Arrival Date: October 8, 2011
Departure Date: October 11, 2011
Current Location: Washington, DC
Something good happened recently in law school. I won an International Arbitration Competition. I am ridiculously excited. The story ran on the front page of the Georgetown Law Weekly. So I get to be mildly famous on campus for awhile. And I get to feel like a winner for once, a very rare feeling in law school.
In other law school news, I am in the process of looking for an internship or summer associate position for the summer. My career center is always imploring us to reach out to our social network for these things. If you know any hiring partners at law firms ideally in either New York City or San Francisco, put me in touch. I am also interested in government positions related to contracts and commercial dispute resolution.
I noticed that this is update twenty-eight (28). Twenty-eight is my mom's favorite number because it is the date on which my birthday, her birthday, and my parents' anniversary falls. I am fond of it as well.
Love,
Melissa
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Random Law School Update 27
Previous Location: Cancun, Mexico
Arrival Date: September 3, 2011
Departure Date: September 8, 2011
Last Location: New York City, NY
Arrival Date: September 9, 2011
Departure Date: September 9, 2011
Current Location: Washington, DC
I feel like I had better write lest I should disappear in your memories. I haven’t come across the words yet to describe August and September. The two months were radically different, but I couldn’t tell you why.
I went on vacation over Labor Day. It was my first break in nearly eight months. When I traveled prior to coming to law school, I had told myself that I was taking all of the vacation for the rest of my career in advance, so that I could focus on law school and my professional ambitions without dreams of adventure and freedom getting in the way. Apparently, it doesn’t work like this. The mind eventually goes numb.
I finished up at the Chancery Court two days before classes started. Mother nature saw to it that I had an earthquake and a hurricane that week to celebrate my departure. The court shut down early my last Friday and I hopped on an Amtrak train to outrun the storm. I spent the weekend moving back into law school. I miss Wilmington some. I would not recommend it as a travel destination, but my life there had grown on me. I had a wonderful time working for the court. It was a special thing to be a part of.
The weather in DC has been delightful. I find myself talking about it more than usual. And then I catch myself using it to make small-chat and I wonder if I have really grown that boring.
I am back in school now. It has been a month. There are no words to describe school this semester, not the usual ones at least. Law school is no longer new, nor is it as exciting or novel or jaw-droppingly difficult as it used to be. It is still challenging, and for this I am grateful. I shutter at the thought of finding myself attached to a life that is not sufficiently challenging.
I decided a few weeks ago that I am getting close to deciphering the code to happiness. It will take a few years of practice and implementation to see if I have it right, but it is worth getting excited about in the meantime.
Steve Jobs died today. In a commencement address to Stanford Graduates in 2005 he articulated some of the sentiments I have shared in my recent updates, "Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."
Love,
Melissa
Arrival Date: September 3, 2011
Departure Date: September 8, 2011
Last Location: New York City, NY
Arrival Date: September 9, 2011
Departure Date: September 9, 2011
Current Location: Washington, DC
I feel like I had better write lest I should disappear in your memories. I haven’t come across the words yet to describe August and September. The two months were radically different, but I couldn’t tell you why.
I went on vacation over Labor Day. It was my first break in nearly eight months. When I traveled prior to coming to law school, I had told myself that I was taking all of the vacation for the rest of my career in advance, so that I could focus on law school and my professional ambitions without dreams of adventure and freedom getting in the way. Apparently, it doesn’t work like this. The mind eventually goes numb.
I finished up at the Chancery Court two days before classes started. Mother nature saw to it that I had an earthquake and a hurricane that week to celebrate my departure. The court shut down early my last Friday and I hopped on an Amtrak train to outrun the storm. I spent the weekend moving back into law school. I miss Wilmington some. I would not recommend it as a travel destination, but my life there had grown on me. I had a wonderful time working for the court. It was a special thing to be a part of.
The weather in DC has been delightful. I find myself talking about it more than usual. And then I catch myself using it to make small-chat and I wonder if I have really grown that boring.
I am back in school now. It has been a month. There are no words to describe school this semester, not the usual ones at least. Law school is no longer new, nor is it as exciting or novel or jaw-droppingly difficult as it used to be. It is still challenging, and for this I am grateful. I shutter at the thought of finding myself attached to a life that is not sufficiently challenging.
I decided a few weeks ago that I am getting close to deciphering the code to happiness. It will take a few years of practice and implementation to see if I have it right, but it is worth getting excited about in the meantime.
Steve Jobs died today. In a commencement address to Stanford Graduates in 2005 he articulated some of the sentiments I have shared in my recent updates, "Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."
Love,
Melissa
Friday, August 5, 2011
Random Law School Update 26
Last Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: May 21, 2011
Departure Date: June 25, 2011
Current Location: Washington, DC
Arrival Date: June 25, 2011
Departure Date: August 14, 2011
Next Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: August 14, 2011
Departure Date: August 26, 2011
Being hired as a summer associate at a big law firm may be one of the best things that has ever happened to anyone--at least anyone who doesn't mind working.
In the morning I come in through the back entrance. I pass my key fob against a dark grey pad and it makes a soft “beep” confirming that I belong. I enter the main atrium of the building which is enclosed by seven-story high glass walls that keep out the undesirable weather and let in the light. The atrium gracefully connects two buildings; the new building and the old building. The new building is wall-wall glass, even the inside walls are made of glass so that you can’t go anywhere in the building without natural light seeping through. The old building has a grey stone exterior and has its own granite entranceway that has a classic elegance of understated importance. Semi-transparent frosted glass walkways lead between the two buildings and a glass elevator that would be at home in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory shoots up through the middle of the atrium to the seventh floor. I stand with my toes to the glass and look down as I ride up. It gives me butterflies.
I stop by the heavily subsidized café for breakfast where I can get a bowl of oatmeal or grits with raisins and sunflower seeds for $1. I climb a set of stairs up past a two-story tall waterfall up to my office. I say good morning to the two women who sit right outside of my office and they smile back enthusiastically. My firm has a strict policy about being respectful of every other employee. It feels like I get paid to be be in a good mood all the time and to smile a lot. The last time I got paid for that was when I was a waitress in college. Except then, people were not always in a good mood back.
I am happy in my little office which contains a window, two desks and an empty bookshelf. Between my assignments and firm-sponsored social events I am always busy. I am never bored. My work is interesting and challenging. The firm strives to give summer associates fun projects so that we can convince ourselves that working for a big firm is glamourous. The social events are every bit as extravagant as anyone ever said they would be. We are regularly treated to expensive lunches, open bar events, and upscale dinner parties. We have also taken field trips to the Supreme Court, the National Gallery, the White House, and a National’s baseball game. My firm always provides a vegan, gluten-free, and often macrobiotic, option. It makes me feel welcome.
I work here.You should zoom in to street view in google maps to check out our gorgeous building.
I also work here. Also, a very nice building, possibly the nicest in Wilmington.
After very difficult 1L Spring and 2L Fall semesters, all of my enthusiasm paid off last semester when I was offered jobs at not one, but two, of my dream summer positions. In what was a a flurry of amazing luck and an equally amazing last-minute hustle culminating on May 12th, I managed to split my 2L summer between Jones Day in Washington, DC and The Delaware Court of Chancery. I agreed to spend seven weeks at each. I spent the first five in Delaware, I am currently in DC completing the next seven and I will return to Delaware in ten days to complete the last two. Georgetown offers a fourteen-week long summer. I remind myself that this is why I took a lifetime of vacation before I started law school.
Love,
Melissa
Arrival Date: May 21, 2011
Departure Date: June 25, 2011
Current Location: Washington, DC
Arrival Date: June 25, 2011
Departure Date: August 14, 2011
Next Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: August 14, 2011
Departure Date: August 26, 2011
Being hired as a summer associate at a big law firm may be one of the best things that has ever happened to anyone--at least anyone who doesn't mind working.
In the morning I come in through the back entrance. I pass my key fob against a dark grey pad and it makes a soft “beep” confirming that I belong. I enter the main atrium of the building which is enclosed by seven-story high glass walls that keep out the undesirable weather and let in the light. The atrium gracefully connects two buildings; the new building and the old building. The new building is wall-wall glass, even the inside walls are made of glass so that you can’t go anywhere in the building without natural light seeping through. The old building has a grey stone exterior and has its own granite entranceway that has a classic elegance of understated importance. Semi-transparent frosted glass walkways lead between the two buildings and a glass elevator that would be at home in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory shoots up through the middle of the atrium to the seventh floor. I stand with my toes to the glass and look down as I ride up. It gives me butterflies.
I stop by the heavily subsidized café for breakfast where I can get a bowl of oatmeal or grits with raisins and sunflower seeds for $1. I climb a set of stairs up past a two-story tall waterfall up to my office. I say good morning to the two women who sit right outside of my office and they smile back enthusiastically. My firm has a strict policy about being respectful of every other employee. It feels like I get paid to be be in a good mood all the time and to smile a lot. The last time I got paid for that was when I was a waitress in college. Except then, people were not always in a good mood back.
I am happy in my little office which contains a window, two desks and an empty bookshelf. Between my assignments and firm-sponsored social events I am always busy. I am never bored. My work is interesting and challenging. The firm strives to give summer associates fun projects so that we can convince ourselves that working for a big firm is glamourous. The social events are every bit as extravagant as anyone ever said they would be. We are regularly treated to expensive lunches, open bar events, and upscale dinner parties. We have also taken field trips to the Supreme Court, the National Gallery, the White House, and a National’s baseball game. My firm always provides a vegan, gluten-free, and often macrobiotic, option. It makes me feel welcome.
I work here.You should zoom in to street view in google maps to check out our gorgeous building.
I also work here. Also, a very nice building, possibly the nicest in Wilmington.
After very difficult 1L Spring and 2L Fall semesters, all of my enthusiasm paid off last semester when I was offered jobs at not one, but two, of my dream summer positions. In what was a a flurry of amazing luck and an equally amazing last-minute hustle culminating on May 12th, I managed to split my 2L summer between Jones Day in Washington, DC and The Delaware Court of Chancery. I agreed to spend seven weeks at each. I spent the first five in Delaware, I am currently in DC completing the next seven and I will return to Delaware in ten days to complete the last two. Georgetown offers a fourteen-week long summer. I remind myself that this is why I took a lifetime of vacation before I started law school.
Love,
Melissa
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Random Law School Update 25
Last Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: May 21, 2011
Departure Date: June 25, 2011
Current Location: Washington, DC
Arrival Date: June 25, 2011
Departure Date: August 14, 2011
Next Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: August 14, 2011
Departure Date: August 26, 2011
Life has been very fast paced and future-forward lately and I had planned for this update to reflect that. But, nostalgia has a way of hitting at precisely the same moment that I find myself with time to write…
One day, in eighth grade, I realized that I was bored. The boredom permeated my existence and slowly threatened to rot away the things I loved most about life. My inspiration, passion and motivation all teetered on the verge of extinction and I watched any chance of future happiness start to slip through my grasp. I decided then that boredom had to be avoided at all cost, even if it meant taking great risks or working very very hard. Even if it meant forcing myself to do things that would likely cause me great stress or pain.
My law school life has been full of hard work, heartache and happiness, all arising in some way or another out of my efforts to eradicate boredom. I literally started boxing last semester. The gym offered a class and I took it. I’ve been boxing figuratively too. I’ve thrown several knockout punches lately. I pulled two mind-blowingly good summer job offers out of a less-than-hopeful job search. I pulled wins in three out of four of my Spring classes. I pulled off two months of non-stop finals. I quit chocolate—4.5 months ago.
I’ve taken my share of hits as well. Every so often I find myself floored by a hook that takes me off guard in a brief moment of feeling winded. And I am forced to take some unscheduled time to reflect. I used to think that people who engaged in sports that guarantee injury were crazy. But I now know that the adrenaline accompanying the fight far outweighs the pain of the blows incurred. The sensation of pain is nothing compared to the bliss that accompanies it as the body releases a mass of endorphins to cope with the injury. I can’t risk taking a literal punch to the face or gut right now, not with my condition, but I suspect that the whole process is incredibly addictive once the body learns to love the sensation of pain.
I have been training myself to love the sensation of pain, particularly emotional pain. I have wanted to do this for a long time. I remember thinking one day, also around eighth grade, that the key to happiness was to like as many things as one could. That way, all the things that might otherwise bring me dissatisfaction would instead bring me pleasure. In keeping with this I thought, what if one liked the sensation of being hurt? It could be the answer to happiness! When I encounter pleasure, I will be happy. When I encounter pain, I will also be happy—such that nothing, except perhaps boredom, will make me unhappy.
But it is hard to train oneself to enjoy pain. It takes an incredible amount of practice. And the opportunity to practice enjoying pain requires a multitude of painful experiences, which are hard to commit oneself to unless they are thrust upon you. I have had a lot of opportunities for practice lately. Lucky because I think that someday I will succeed in my goal of eliminating unhappiness by learning to love sadness.
In the meantime I celebrate a life that is, if anything, not boring.
Love,
Melissa
Arrival Date: May 21, 2011
Departure Date: June 25, 2011
Current Location: Washington, DC
Arrival Date: June 25, 2011
Departure Date: August 14, 2011
Next Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: August 14, 2011
Departure Date: August 26, 2011
Life has been very fast paced and future-forward lately and I had planned for this update to reflect that. But, nostalgia has a way of hitting at precisely the same moment that I find myself with time to write…
One day, in eighth grade, I realized that I was bored. The boredom permeated my existence and slowly threatened to rot away the things I loved most about life. My inspiration, passion and motivation all teetered on the verge of extinction and I watched any chance of future happiness start to slip through my grasp. I decided then that boredom had to be avoided at all cost, even if it meant taking great risks or working very very hard. Even if it meant forcing myself to do things that would likely cause me great stress or pain.
My law school life has been full of hard work, heartache and happiness, all arising in some way or another out of my efforts to eradicate boredom. I literally started boxing last semester. The gym offered a class and I took it. I’ve been boxing figuratively too. I’ve thrown several knockout punches lately. I pulled two mind-blowingly good summer job offers out of a less-than-hopeful job search. I pulled wins in three out of four of my Spring classes. I pulled off two months of non-stop finals. I quit chocolate—4.5 months ago.
I’ve taken my share of hits as well. Every so often I find myself floored by a hook that takes me off guard in a brief moment of feeling winded. And I am forced to take some unscheduled time to reflect. I used to think that people who engaged in sports that guarantee injury were crazy. But I now know that the adrenaline accompanying the fight far outweighs the pain of the blows incurred. The sensation of pain is nothing compared to the bliss that accompanies it as the body releases a mass of endorphins to cope with the injury. I can’t risk taking a literal punch to the face or gut right now, not with my condition, but I suspect that the whole process is incredibly addictive once the body learns to love the sensation of pain.
I have been training myself to love the sensation of pain, particularly emotional pain. I have wanted to do this for a long time. I remember thinking one day, also around eighth grade, that the key to happiness was to like as many things as one could. That way, all the things that might otherwise bring me dissatisfaction would instead bring me pleasure. In keeping with this I thought, what if one liked the sensation of being hurt? It could be the answer to happiness! When I encounter pleasure, I will be happy. When I encounter pain, I will also be happy—such that nothing, except perhaps boredom, will make me unhappy.
But it is hard to train oneself to enjoy pain. It takes an incredible amount of practice. And the opportunity to practice enjoying pain requires a multitude of painful experiences, which are hard to commit oneself to unless they are thrust upon you. I have had a lot of opportunities for practice lately. Lucky because I think that someday I will succeed in my goal of eliminating unhappiness by learning to love sadness.
In the meantime I celebrate a life that is, if anything, not boring.
Love,
Melissa
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