Random Law School Update 28

Last Location: New York City, NY
Arrival Date: October 8, 2011
Departure Date: October 11, 2011

Current Location: Washington, DC

Something good happened recently in law school. I won an International Arbitration Competition. I am ridiculously excited. The story ran on the front page of the Georgetown Law Weekly. So I get to be mildly famous on campus for awhile. And I get to feel like a winner for once, a very rare feeling in law school.

In other law school news, I am in the process of looking for an internship or summer associate position for the summer. My career center is always imploring us to reach out to our social network for these things. If you know any hiring partners at law firms ideally in either New York City or San Francisco, put me in touch. I am also interested in government positions related to contracts and commercial dispute resolution.

I noticed that this is update twenty-eight (28). Twenty-eight is my mom's favorite number because it is the date on which my birthday, her birthday, and my parents' anniversary falls. I am fond of it as well.

Love,

Melissa

Random Law School Update 27

Previous Location: Cancun, Mexico
Arrival Date: September 3, 2011
Departure Date: September 8, 2011

Last Location: New York City, NY
Arrival Date: September 9, 2011
Departure Date: September 9, 2011

Current Location: Washington, DC

I feel like I had better write lest I should disappear in your memories. I haven’t come across the words yet to describe August and September. The two months were radically different, but I couldn’t tell you why.

I went on vacation over Labor Day. It was my first break in nearly eight months. When I traveled prior to coming to law school, I had told myself that I was taking all of the vacation for the rest of my career in advance, so that I could focus on law school and my professional ambitions without dreams of adventure and freedom getting in the way. Apparently, it doesn’t work like this. The mind eventually goes numb.

I finished up at the Chancery Court two days before classes started. Mother nature saw to it that I had an earthquake and a hurricane that week to celebrate my departure. The court shut down early my last Friday and I hopped on an Amtrak train to outrun the storm. I spent the weekend moving back into law school. I miss Wilmington some. I would not recommend it as a travel destination, but my life there had grown on me. I had a wonderful time working for the court. It was a special thing to be a part of.

The weather in DC has been delightful. I find myself talking about it more than usual. And then I catch myself using it to make small-chat and I wonder if I have really grown that boring.

I am back in school now. It has been a month. There are no words to describe school this semester, not the usual ones at least. Law school is no longer new, nor is it as exciting or novel or jaw-droppingly difficult as it used to be. It is still challenging, and for this I am grateful. I shudder at the thought of finding myself attached to a life that is not sufficiently challenging.

I decided a few weeks ago that I am getting close to deciphering the code to happiness. It will take a few years of practice and implementation to see if I have it right, but it is worth getting excited about in the meantime.

Steve Jobs died today. In a commencement address to Stanford Graduates in 2005 he articulated some of the sentiments I have shared in my recent updates, "Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

Love,

Melissa

Random Law School Update 26

Last Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: May 21, 2011
Departure Date: June 25, 2011

Current Location: Washington, DC
Arrival Date: June 25, 2011
Departure Date: August 14, 2011

Next Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: August 14, 2011
Departure Date: August 26, 2011

Being hired as a summer associate at a big law firm may be one of the best things that has ever happened to anyone who doesn't mind working.

In the morning I pass my key fob against a dark grey pad and it makes a soft “beep” confirming that I belong. I enter the main atrium of the building which is enclosed by seven-story high glass walls that keep out the undesirable weather and let in the light. The atrium gracefully connects two buildings; the new building and the old building. The new building is wall-wall glass, even the inside walls are made of glass so that you can’t go anywhere in the building without natural light seeping through. The old building has a grey stone exterior and has its own granite entranceway that has a classic elegance of understated importance. Semi-transparent frosted glass walkways lead between the two buildings and a glass elevator that would be at home in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory shoots up through the middle of the atrium to the seventh floor.

I stop by the heavily subsidized café for breakfast where I can get a bowl of oatmeal or grits with raisins and sunflower seeds for $1. I climb a set of stairs up past a two-story tall waterfall up to my office. I say good morning to the two women who sit right outside of my office and they smile back enthusiastically.

My office has a large street-facing window, two desks, and an empty bookshelf. Between my assignments and firm-sponsored social events I am always busy. My work is interesting and challenging. The social events are extravagant. Pricy lunches, open bars, elite dinner parties and trips to the Supreme Court, the National Gallery, the White House, and a National’s baseball game. My firm always provides a vegan, gluten-free option. It makes me feel welcome.

I can't tell if I like it more here or at the Chancery Court, where I work backstage with the biggest rockstars of corporate law.

I got lucky and managed to split my 2L summer equally between Jones Day in Washington, DC and The Delaware Court of Chancery. I wish I could do ten weeks at each, but Georgetown only offers a fourteen-week long summer. I remind myself that this is why I took a career-worth of vacation before I started law school.

Love,

Melissa

Random Law School Update 25

Last Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: May 21, 2011
Departure Date: June 25, 2011

Current Location: Washington, DC
Arrival Date: June 25, 2011
Departure Date: August 14, 2011

Next Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: August 14, 2011
Departure Date: August 26, 2011

Life has been very fast paced and future-forward lately and I had planned for this update to reflect that. But, nostalgia has a way of hitting at precisely the same moment that I find myself with time to write…

One day, in eighth grade, I realized that I was bored. The boredom permeated my existence and slowly threatened to rot away the things I loved most about life. My inspiration, passion and motivation all teetered on the verge of extinction and I watched any chance of future happiness start to slip through my grasp. I decided then that boredom had to be avoided at all cost, even if it meant taking great risks or working very very hard. Even if it meant forcing myself to do things that would likely cause me great stress or pain.

My law school life has been full of hard work, heartache and happiness, all arising in some way or another out of my efforts to eradicate boredom. I literally started boxing last semester. The gym offered a class and I took it. I’ve been boxing figuratively too. I’ve thrown several knockout punches lately. I pulled two mind-blowingly good summer job offers out of a less-than-hopeful job search. I pulled wins in three out of four of my Spring classes. I pulled off two months of non-stop finals. I quit chocolate—4.5 months ago.

I’ve taken my share of hits as well. Every so often I find myself floored by a hook that takes me off guard in a brief moment of feeling winded. And I am forced to take some unscheduled time to reflect. I used to think that people who engaged in sports that guarantee injury were crazy. But I now know that the adrenaline accompanying the fight far outweighs the pain of the blows incurred. The sensation of pain is nothing compared to the bliss that accompanies it as the body releases a mass of endorphins to cope with the injury. I can’t risk taking a literal punch to the face or gut right now, not with my condition, but I suspect that the whole process is incredibly addictive once the body learns to love the sensation of pain.

I have been training myself to love the sensation of pain, particularly emotional pain. I have wanted to do this for a long time. I remember thinking one day, also around eighth grade, that the key to happiness was to like as many things as one could. That way, all the things that might otherwise bring me dissatisfaction would instead bring me pleasure. In keeping with this I thought, what if one liked the sensation of being hurt? It could be the answer to happiness! When I encounter pleasure, I will be happy. When I encounter pain, I will also be happy—such that nothing, except perhaps boredom, will make me unhappy.

But it is hard to train oneself to enjoy pain. It takes an incredible amount of practice. And the opportunity to practice enjoying pain requires a multitude of painful experiences, which are hard to commit oneself to unless they are thrust upon you. I have had a lot of opportunities for practice lately. Lucky because I think that someday I will succeed in my goal of eliminating unhappiness by learning to love sadness.

In the meantime I celebrate a life that is, if anything, not boring.

Love,

Melissa

Random Law School Update 24

Last Location: Richmond, VA
Arrival Date: May 9, 2011
Departure Date: May 10, 2011

Current Location: Washington, DC
Arrival Date: May 10, 2011
Departure Date: May 20, 2011

Next Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: May 20, 2011
Departure Date: June 25, 2011

This update is just to mark today as the day in which everything went just perfectly.

Random Law School Update 23

Last Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: March 9, 2011
Departure Date: March 9, 2011

Current Location: Washington, DC
Arrival Date: March 9, 2011
Departure Date: May 18, 2011

Next Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: May 18, 2011
Departure Date: unknown

I have had not one or two, but several 24-hour periods in the last three months that could compete with some of the very best in my life. Though, it is a silly game of the mind, trying to compare past happiness to more recent happiness. The memory of past feelings rebels conformation to a scale by which their relative values can be compared. I only pretend to compare in an attempt to wring more delight out of each moment. I think, "Before was good. Now is even better than before. Now is amazing. I must be at the peak of happiness." None of this is necessarily true. Before was also, often amazing. And I have caught myself, in the past, thinking about the future saying, "The future, it is going to be good. Now is better though. Now is amazing. I must be at the peak of happiness." But then it turns out that the future holds its own.

I struggle to remember which things were the best in the moment and which things simply seem to have been the best looking back on them. The human mind has a funny way of remembering things such that some of my most incredible memories derive from some of my most miserable moments. The things discontent inspires in me are often wildly exiting and retrospectively impressive. The memories created in the last few months, however, haven't been fraught by misery. I am developing the capacity to delight in my memories as they are being made.

I have been accused of being cryptic. My intent is not so much to be cryptic as it is to express what I consider to be the important essence of the experiences in my life. Describing my day to day routine is not likely to convey the excitement I feel for it. Not the same as it might have when I was traveling. I spend a lot of time in the library and it is hard to imagine that my comings and goings would inspire the average anyone to think that my life is anything but tedious.

It would sound something like this (please skip the next three paragraphs if you don't want to be bored): I wake up, eat oatmeal. I go to class, 5 minutes late, again, oops. I sit through class, class ends. I make myself lunch. I read for the next class. I go to the next class. I leave that class. I go to the library and study. I go to the gym, I spin or yoga or box or do plyometrics. I go home. I make dinner. I shower. I eat dinner. Sometimes I convince a friend to eat dinner and/or study with me. I put oats on to cook for the next morning.
I study more. I go to bed.

Twice a month or so, I go out, hopefully dancing, sometimes just to make an appearance at a dinner party or special function. Sometimes I go to see a play put on by the Georgetown Gilbert and Sullivan Society. Sometimes I go to an event hosted by a student org on campus. Sometimes I plan student org events to host on campus. Sometimes I run to the Monument or to the Lincoln Memorial with friends. Sometimes I get sick. Sometimes I procure a small cut and watch it bleed more than normal; I take a deep breath and remind myself that mortality was never optional. Sometimes I meditate or take a nap. Sometimes I go to acupuncture. Sometimes I meet a friend in Chinatown for lunch or dinner. Sometimes I go grocery shopping. I occasionally do laundry. I often clean my room. Too often, I check Facebook. I try to reply to emails as much as I can keep up with. Once a month or so, I write a Random Law School Update. Randomly, I'll call the parents or Jon, though I try to avoid talking on the phone. Every so often, I'll challenge myself to correct a flaw, like my near-obsessive addiction to chocolate. I decided that I would quit chocolate for two weeks. Yesterday marked my second month without it.

Every once in awhile something really good will happen. I will find out, for example, that I got my ideal summer internship at the Delaware Chancery Court in Wilmington. Or, be informed, very unexpectedly, that I earned the top grade in a class last semester. But even these things, while relevant details in my current state of happiness, are really only small trivialities, mere inputs into a systemic form, a framework, of happiness that I have been working on building my entire life. A project, the completion of which is steadily coming into reach.

The best factor, currently, is that I am not alone in my appreciation of the intensities of my current lifestyle. I have recently acquired a small group of friends who get it, or at least really seem to get it. I hesitate to write about them for fear that they will, in my attempt to reveal them, show themselves to be imaginary and force me to return to the world in which I lived before them. A world made duller by contrast to the one in which they existed.

My life progresses not so much chronologically as according to overlapping and intertwining themes. These themes define and manipulate my experience and my memory of my experiences more than the temporal construct that I rely on to express them to others. Friendship has been a recent and enduring theme. It has come up many times in my life, starting in grade school when, at one point, the concept of a friend seemed like a sort of holy grail, the quest for which I would be lucky to survive. Many friends have come and gone since and I am left to wonder what it is that makes some friendships last forever and others fade out slowly like the end of a sentimental song on the radio that you expect you will hear again, but never do.

A few months ago, in a bout of manic inspiration triggered by a movie I had just seen, I confided in someone a vision that I have always had for my life. It was a dream to find myself surrounded by individuals on the cutting edge of society. The type of people whose vibrant ambition, manic enthusiasm and creative genius have borne the greatest innovations in art, literature, science and social progress to date. The type of people who defined the past and will define the future.

I envisioned myself up all night surrounded by these people, driven by an ambition to improve the world, having found ourselves unable to come up with a better way to make use of our talent. I envisioned us taking breaks every so often to bask in each other's epiphanies and to gloat in our smallest accomplishments, such as a clever joke, before returning to the task of reconstructing the world with our minds, delightfully shaping the future through the strategic implementation of impossible ideas. I envisioned us skipping in streets for lack of a better way to articulate the energy that binds us together and spending late nights and early mornings on rooftops marveling at the grandness and smallness of the world below. I envisioned this all many years ago. I had almost found it once before, in a certain high school friend, but that escaped me like being woken from a wonderful dream to a pillow soaked in tears. This may escape me as well. But I won't let the fear of a duller future world or a soaked pillow stop me from skipping.

For now, I return to my studies. My first exam is in 12 days and I will be riding a wave of intense through the end of May. Please find me in June.

Love,

Melissa

Random Law School Update 22

Last Location: Washington, DC
Arrival Date: January 15, 2011
Departure Date: March 6, 2011

Current Location: New York City, NY
Arrival Date: March 6, 2011
Departure Date: March 9, 2011

Next Location: Wilmington, DE
Arrival Date: March 9, 2011
Departure Date: March 9, 2011

A friend and I were discussing life and death just a few days before Bethany passed away. He made the point that death, being the most extreme thing one will ever experience, motivates life because it sheds perspective on the relative lack of extremeness of everything short of death and thus inspires one to take life-enhancing risks. I agreed in part, but countered that death is actually one of the least extreme human experiences. It is the one thing that every person, animal, plant, and living organism is guaranteed to do. The old, the young, the rich, the poor, the genuine, the contrived, the brave, the scared, the risk-takers and the risk-avoiders, they all die. Even the types of living things that are never born will eventually die. It is absolutely ordinary, normal, expected, required. It consumes only one moment massively outnumbered by the many many moments of life that precede it. Death is not extreme. It is quintessentially status quo.

It is this characteristic of death that motivates life because it sheds perspective on the relative extremeness of every moment preceding it. Each and every moment in which we live is at least as significant, as important, as the single moment in which we die. Each moment preceding death is an unknown, an opportunity to learn, love, improve, experience. I take risks because, while my death is inevitable, every other moment of my life is within my power to affect.

Now consider that despite (or perhaps in keeping with) being status quo, death is almost always available as worst-case scenario. Worst, not because it is extreme or necessarily bad, but merely because it is always available. Such that, to the extent that I suffer, it is because I value that suffering, or at least value highly the pleasure that I expect to follow it--that pleasure being all the greater when contrasted with the expectation-resetting pain that preceded it. What matters isn't so much that each moment of life is painless, but that it is more extreme, more interesting, more significant than death. For this reason I wonder if death, as the lowest bar on which to improve, is more a friend than an enemy to life.

Bethany's official DC memorial party was Saturday night. It was held at a wonderfully lavish local called Elizabeth's Gone Raw. I had the pleasure of meeting her mother, father, sister and other members of her close circle. It was comforting, light and optimistic; just like Bethany.

Short of Bethany's passing, the past month has been delightful. Busy, but delightful. I was in a school play. It was magical and mildly reminiscent of my high school theater days, which I remember fondly. I would like to recount the month in more detail, but even the start of Spring Break leaves little time for articulation. In November, I foreshadowed that last semester would be one of the most exciting of my life. This semester is already significantly more exciting and it is less than halfway in. It is as if everything is going according to a perfectly devised plan in which I have maintained just enough uncertainty to keep me on my toes.

Love,

Melissa