Friday, April 16, 2010

Random Law School Update 9

Current Location: Desk, Washington DC

I want to keep writing semi-regular emails, but also realize that my life here in law school, as fascinating as it is to me, likely bores the better portion of everyone else in society. All I can try to do is to convince you of how great it really is. Today I will explain why I love the library. The library is like a fairytale castle filled with coded tomes that seem plain to the ordinary eye, but are each filled with nuggets of truth that become gems of clarity and light as one learns to wield their powers. Sometimes I sit in the library just to bask in the essence of all the gems glowing warmly around me. On some days, the sensation is no less grand than sumitting a tall mountain, or frolicking through a grassy meadow. In some ways, I don't feel like my travels have stopped at all. I am exploring my world now as much as ever.

The hospital is not so easily glorified. I have been going regularly since being diagnosed with ITP last week. I do not like hospitals, or needles, or blood, or waiting rooms. I do not like imagining myself as a composition of independently fallible pieces, every one of which I am not in total control. I do not like, but I also do not like not liking. So I try to be patient.

The administration of medicine is unlike the administration of law. In law one can often find a loophole, an out, a way of articulating something just a little bit differently that changes it altogether. In medicine, there are no semantic outs. You have disease A or you don't. If you have disease A, you must choose available option 1, 2, or 3 to proceed. You cannot make up an option 4 or negotiate with disease A to create a win-win situation. You must take disease A as a given, and often the solution is a given as well. There is no room for argument, you can only say "ok."

So I have been saying "ok" a lot this week to the things that bother me most. I am learning to calmly float down streams that I can only hope are headed in a good direction. And there is something pretty to that sensation too. Like watching the sky move around me as I lazily float down the nile on a felucca. Every once in awhile, it is just perfect to submit to the fact that you aren't in control, and that no one expects you to be. Though, I find that it helps to look up and not to think about rocks and waterfalls.

I know that at least a few of you are going over waterfalls right now, or have in the past. When I was a kid, and still today, I would find the confidence to jump off of the tops of waterfalls or cliffs into ponds after I had seen a few other equally qualified people do it. Until then, it was hard for me to imagine that it was possible to summon the courage. Thank you to those who have been an inspiration.



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